Picture this: It’s a Saturday night, you’ve been catching up with your friends and enjoying a cocktail or two in one of Perth’s busy taverns.

Next thing you know it’s 1 am (definitely passed your bedtime) time to put on your coat and set off for the brisk walk to the taxi rank. On your way to grab a taxi you pass a few of Perth’s finest eateries; Elrasheed’s, Marmaris, Sizzlers and to your disbelief (and absolute heartbreak) they are all closed. Sound familiar?

Marco Polo in Dundee is open until 6am on a Saturday night. In Stirling you can get a Domino’s delivered to your door until 5am. Glasgow and Edinburgh? Well we all know their takeaways are open all the time. In Perth? You better get home early if you want that kebab! Now I love Perth, anyone who knows me knows that. Perth is the place where talented musicians are developed, where you can get to amazing walks in 5 minutes, where you can pop off to McDiarmid to watch the home team, where SMEs thrive, a place we fight against racism, budget cuts and every other cause us Perthites deem to be worthy. A hoggie wrap at 1.30am? We can’t do that though. 

Fear not, you are not left completely in the lurch. You do have several options at this stage of the evening:

  1. You head to one of our 24-hour garages to get a hot dog. This one is not going to work if you are vegetarian or vegan or just simply don’t like hot dogs – unless you’re keen for a warm bread roll. It’s a quick fix and it’s not a Gordon Ramsay 5* meal but if you are really hungry, it’ll do. 

2. Go to McDonald’s. It’s great that we can get a McDonald’s 24 hours a day. It’s a total lifesaver and god bless the staff that work a night shift at the weekend, heroes. However, let’s just say you live up the Edinburgh roadway, your McDonald’s options are Dunkeld Road or Broxden. That is at least another £10 on your taxi fare home and you still have to buy your Dees on top of that. Is it really worth it? 

3. Bite the bullet and go home. Not forgetting to complain relentlessly to the taxi driver on your way, in the most Perth way possible, about how ridiculous it is that you can’t get scran. You then get home and spend 20 minutes looking between the fridge and the cupboard realising that you only have an onion, 2-week old cheese and 8 tins of chopped tomatoes. Pro tip: make yourself a brilliant meal before you go out and microwave it when you get home – perfect!

Whatever you do, don’t stand outside your favourite takeaway for 20 minutes crying, tapping on the window, begging for chips and cheese.

On a more serious note, I’m not just talking about getting food after a night out. What if you are a taxi driver on an evening shift? What if you work on a bar and finish at 2 am? What if you are one of our unbelievable public sector workers pulling a night shift? Local takeaways should at least be given the option to be able to open late as well, it’s their livelihood and we should want our independent businesses to thrive. 

Come on Perth, geez my chips and cheese.

I am keen to hear your thoughts on Perth’s takeaway situation tweet me on @HollieIrvine

Perth Gazette blogs is a place for opinions. These opinions belong to the author and are not necessarily shared by Perth Gazette.